THE ACCOUNT

Every relationship has an account.

Friendships.
Romantic relationships.
Family.
Business partnerships.

And even the relationship you have with yourself has an account.

We spend a lot of time talking about communication—how we communicate with other people, how we listen, how we repair, how we express what we need.

But what happens when you haven’t been communicating clearly with yourself?

Because before you can establish boundaries with someone else, you have to know what your boundaries are.

Before you can communicate your standards, you have to know what you require.

Before you can tell someone what you need from a relationship, you have to be honest about what you’ve been giving yourself.

Think about your relationships like accounts.

What are you depositing?

Time.
Trust.
Honesty.
Effort.
Attention.
Care.
Respect.

And what are you withdrawing?

Support.
Understanding.
Energy.
Access.
Time.
Emotional labor.

There is nothing wrong with withdrawing from an account. That’s what accounts are for.

The problem comes when we’re constantly making withdrawals without making meaningful deposits.

Eventually, something becomes overdrawn.

And sometimes we don’t notice until our body starts sending us signals.

The exhaustion.
The resentment.
The irritability.
The feeling of being disconnected from yourself.
The constant need for space.
The heaviness you can’t quite explain.

Sometimes your body is telling you that the terms of an agreement you’ve been living under no longer work for you.

And this is where we have to learn to renegotiate the terms and conditions with ourselves.

Maybe something that worked for you five years ago doesn’t work anymore.

Maybe the way you’ve been showing up for everyone else is costing you too much.

Maybe you’ve been giving access that you no longer want to give.

Maybe you’ve been saying yes when your whole body has been asking you to say no.

And maybe it’s time to make a different kind of deposit into yourself.

Because before you make someone a joint owner of your life, your energy, your heart, your business, or your future…

You should know the condition of your own account.

Is it balanced?

Is it overdrawn?

Are you constantly waiting for someone else to make the deposits you’ve been avoiding making for yourself?

And here’s the thing:

You’re allowed to renegotiate.

You are allowed to change the terms.

You are allowed to establish new standards.

You are allowed to create boundaries around what you give, what you receive, and who has access to you.

And you don’t have to do all of that work overnight.

This is also where I think about herbal wellness differently.

Herbs aren’t going to have the conversation for you.

A tincture isn’t going to establish your boundary.

A tea isn’t going to make the decision.

The work is still yours.

But support can exist while you’re doing the work.

That’s part of why I formulate the products I create.

I have already done the research, sourcing, measuring, blending, preparing, and formulating.

You don’t have to do that work too.

You get to focus on yours.

Because sometimes wellness isn’t about finding something to fix you.

Sometimes it’s about finding thoughtful support while you are becoming more honest about what you need.

The account is yours.

So check the balance.

Listen to the signals.

Have the conversation with yourself.

And if the terms and conditions no longer fit the life you’re living…

renegotiate.

—Brittany 🧡, CD, ELD

Holistic Wellness Practitioner • Herbalist • Full Spectrum Doula